When I was a kid, my father once bought home a small cute glass aquarium with a very beautiful golden fish in it. I was happy and couldn’t control my excitement. I used to call it “Nemo” and spent hours looking at it moving all over the aquarium, I used to feed it, talk to it and do everything I could. But one day, as I woke up, Nemo wasn’t alive anymore. I was heartbroken and my first reaction was
“I would never ever get a fish again”.
And I didn’t for quite long. But as I started growing, I finally realized that it’s not my hate for fishes, it’s my fear of losing it all over again that makes me stay away from it. And with that understanding, I gave myself another chance, and another and I keep doing it because my love for fishes is greater than my fear of losing them.
And I am sure I am not alone. I have come across many people who are afraid of getting into love again because of their fear of getting hurt. That stops them from trying something new and they keep hating love for what it is not.
If you can resonate with this thought, this is what you can try to let go of the fear of love:
- Look at your past: The first step would always be understanding what went wrong in the past. Try to figure out the stumbling blocks in your past relationships and what makes you ward off love. What issues keep coming up in your relationships? and what are your actions that keep repeating? Try to link that to your childhood conditioning and find out the cause of your actions. For example, If you have issues when your partner relies too much on you, chances are that your parents taught you to be self-dependent right from the start without much appreciation and hence you constantly deter that behavior. Understand your own patterns and realize that your personal identity can be different from your conditioning. Accept it and start working on it accordingly.
- Your inner critic isn’t always right!: Stop listening to the inner critic that always says “You don’t deserve anything good”, “He/She is much better than you.” “You are too ugly to be in a relationship” or “No matter how hard you try, you can’t be loved”. Your inner critic is just your fear trying to stop you from trying something new. It wants you to be in your comfort zone so that it can always stay in power. You have to constantly ignore it because you do deserve to be loved.
- Drive your own life: Most of the time, we are hardly in control of our lives, we are just running on Autopilot mode following our past patterns. Once you have established and understood your patterns based on your conditioning, It’s time to take charge of your life. When you finally understand that everyone you meet is unique and has a story to tell, you can go out and explore the horizon.
- Be who you are because love is beautiful and imperfect: Most of us end up hate love for what it isn’t. In fact, no one hardly knows what love is. So, stop listening to them. When someone tells you “ Don’t call them for three days” or “ Let them message first” or “Don’t be the first one to kiss”, don't listen to them. A relationship is truly beautiful when you be who you are and not who you want to be. Be open about it, be vulnerable and embrace everything that you feel and let your partner feel the same way.
A relationship is a way for two people to learn and grow together. Don’t associate it with fear, anxiety, and thoughtlessness. Live every moment of it without worrying about what’s going to happen next.
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About the Author:
Shivam is the author of two best selling self-help books “How to unleash your true potential” and “Finding the Magic in You”
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