Originally Published on Skit Hub
The most common question I am being asked these days is why I broke with Emma Watson and I can understand their surprise. Who on Earth would break up with Emma Watson!! Right? I used to think the same and hence delay in the breakup. After being together for 3 years, I finally gathered the courage to break it to her. I know it’s Emma we are talking about. She is a typical example of beauty with brains. But, I had to take this step. We were not at all compatible and this is what drives a relationship right? I mean, look at the odds. I am a simple man earning my livelihood in India and she is a superstar who visits different countries every other day. Frankly speaking, even an aircraft landing without landing gears had better chances of survival than our relationship. Ours was meant to fail. Our relationship has been in turmoil but I still remember the first time we met.
We met for the first time in 2012 during her shooting for the film “The Perks of being a Wallflower”. Right from the start, Emma had strong feelings for me and that’s hardly shocking guys. Women always appreciate a man with confidence and who likes to take risks. The accent played a big role too. She might be British by nationality but my typical Indian accent apparently blew her mind. And she is not to be blamed. She started showering praises for me and how amazing she felt. It all felt amazing and incredible. But everything has a bad side to it. Ours was Long distance. She had to go visit various cities and I had to stay in India minding my own business. And this is when it started to deteriorate.
I am not saying that I didn’t have any feelings for her. I certainly did. She is a gorgeous young woman who knows how to make great decisions, but we couldn’t click. And that’s important for marriage, right? So, the outcome of this relationship was already decided but it literally took me centuries to explain to her why our relationship won’t work out. She was devastated and her biggest worry was about not being able to find anyone as genuine, handsome and intelligent as me. According to her, there aren’t enough “good looking men” in Hollywood, and I couldn’t disagree with it either.
But this was not it. This was not the only problem in our relationship. The major problem started in 2014 when she was appointed as UN women goodwill ambassador. We were staying in a hotel in New York and I was giving my usual feedback on how she should make that speech memorable. As she was pondering over my advice, something weird happened. Emma jumped on top of me, stared directly into my eyes and asked me to marry her. I was shocked and confused. I was still you a young man with no thoughts of commitment, and this was a deal breaker. I couldn’t say no, but I requested a few days to make a final decision. She was ecstatic but didn’t know what was coming her way. That night was tough for me too, and I had to fake several orgasms to keep the charade alive.
The following morning, I finally took a stand, like nay gentleman would do and told her about my decision. She acted like it’s all fine but I know she was broke from inside. Alas! That’s the only way. You cannot keep a free bird like mine in a cage. She had to deliver a speech at the UN council the same day and we all know how nervous she was. Well, you know the reason too now.
And this is how I broke up with Emma Watson. I came back to India, where I was greeted along by many other Indian girls who were dying to see me. I am still living a happy and successful life but I still worry for Emma! I hope she gets what she deserves…… the next time.
Inspired from Medium Post: Why I broke up with Taylor Swift!
